Catharsis: Not the Goal
With one eye barely opened, and with my girlfriend long having given up the battle to stay awake, I finished watching an old episode of Boston Legal (my new favorite diversion.) While being entertained by the twisted characters played by William Shatner and James Spader, a twisted story unfolded involving a psychiatrist, his patient, the patients x-wife, and the BL lawyers.
The patient (and client of the BL law firm) had ‘fantasies’ about killing his ex-wife. The doctor, would allow his patient to express and articulate these fantasies in his office (and would eventually tape them) in order to allow him a place to vent his anger, and hopefully ‘eliminate’ his frustration in a safe environment vs. doing something harmful in real life.
In due time, it became unclear to the doctor if his patient was just venting his feelings, or plotting the murder of his ex-wife. What should the doctor do? Warn his ex-wife? That would be a violation of doctor/patient privilege, and could lead to a law suit, and/or losing his job. On the other hand, if he didn’t warn her, she could end up dead..
James Spader comes to the rescue (noting to the doctor that this particular case was not his best work), and comes up with his usual underhanded plot to illegally/legally get the word out to the ex-wife, and have her watch the tape of her ex-husband expressing his killing fantasy.. Maybe she could tell if this was a real threat since she knew him best?
Ultimately, the wife feels very threatened by the whole thing, and believes her ex is plotting her demise. Upon returning to her house to discuss the matter further, the lawyers drive up to her house, only to find it surrounded by police cars.. Oh no.. did he try to kill her? Did he succeed and carry out his twisted fantasy?
The lawyers come in and ask to talk to their client (the psychiatric patient in case you are falling asleep by now like I was when watching it), and want to know how the wife is. The police let them know that their client is lying on the floor, after being shot in the head, and the wife was on the couch, recovering from just killing her ex-husband.
What we know is that the husband came to the house, and asked to talk to his ex-wife (word had gotten out to him that she had watched the tapes). As he walked toward her, she told him to leave.. He again said he just wanted to talk.. and he walked toward her yet again.. and she eventually shot him.. shot him down…to the ground.. yeah she shot him down.. (sorry.. my son has been playing Hey Joe a lot lately!)
With both eyes now fully opened, I was left wondering what I would have done if I was the doctor or lawyer in that situation. But perhaps more importantly, I thought of how this ties in to the subject of catharsis, and helps illustrate a very important point I wanted to make.
While it was unclear if the ex-husband intended to kill his ex-wife, it was clear that all his catharsis and emotional release of pent up frustrations – all congruent with repressed emotions and feelings – didn’t seem to work. He wasn’t getting better.
Since I love illustrations, and since I have a picture of a well pump that needs explaining.. I will proceed with another hopefully illuminating story.
When I was a kid, I actually enjoyed trips to the cemetery with my family.. yep.. you heard that right.. I enjoyed trips to the cemetery.. explains a lot doesn’t it?
My absolute favorite thing to do (up until the age of 8 or so) was to go to the well pump, and pump water for the flowers around the gravestones of our relatives.. I was kinda puny so at times I would have to throw my whole being into the process of priming the pump, and hope I was strong enough to get water for the flowers.. Sometimes I needed, and reluctantly took help from my much stronger younger sister.. She threatened to beat me up if I didn’t let her help, so I did.
Well, once the pump was primed, the water would flow.. and I would feel like Hercules! By my efforts, that water came up from 1600 feet underground.. wow! I would have my younger sister carry the bucket to my parents (they were too heavy for me.. she inherited more from the Russian side of our family.)
I hated when it rained and that my valuable pumping service were not needed! Pumping water was the funnest thing ever, at least at the cemetery that is.. So.. I eventually found my way to the pump even if my services were not needed. I would pump water for others, for a small service fee of course, and started by first small business right there with my dead relatives looking on!
Ultimately, once my customer base decided my fees were too high, I began pumping water for it’s own sake.. just letting it gush out, and run into the ground.. Now that ‘felt’ wonderful for me, but was I accomplishing anything?
Did I hear you say.. ahh.. I see??
To me, this illustrates what happens when we view catharsis, emotional release, bringing up and getting in touch with past hurts, etc., as the end instead of ‘a’ means to an end (notice I didn’t say ‘the’ means to an end.)
So going back to my illustration.. What was the purpose in pumping the water? Since it’s not a trick question, it was to get water to flow into the bucket. Mission accomplished? Not yet.. The water needed to be transported by my much stronger younger sister to my parents.. Done? Nope.. They had to water the flowers.. Now we are done right? Have we reached the end of the reason for ‘priming the pump and getting the water’ to come out?
Why are we watering the flowers after all? Just for the sake of having nice flowers? No.. so that our experience as a family would be enhanced, and that the memory of my younger brother, who only lived a day in this world, would be honored.. Tenderly, while my mother would fix the flowers, I would sit next to her and help wipe off the gravestone.. I would ask.. what color was his hair? Did he look like me or Ana? How did you come up with his name? What did it feel like to have him and lose him after one day?
I think you get the picture..
Pumping the water, and getting it to flow, is like catharsis.. Our cemetery experience would be greatly diminished if not for someone performing that important piece of the puzzle. However, unless water is placed in a bucket filled with the right amount, and carefully carried and used in the right quantity according to the need of the flowers, it can be unhelpful.. Imagine my sister stopping and dumping the bucket on my head because I made fun of her muscles again? (are the real life parallels coming to mind?) How about if I took the water and dumped all of the water on one of the flowers? Not so good!
Now.. how about if I correctly pumped the water, and my sister took it my parents, and that they watered the flowers according to Martha Stewart’s guide to water flowering.. er I mean.. watering flowers.. (was she in this business in the 70’s?) BUT, after all that.. I didn’t take the time to talk to my mother and sister and have the bonding family moments that were the purpose of going there in the first place, and chose to instead go back to the well to pump more water that I let spill to the ground? Mission accomplished even though I did everything right for the flowers supposedly? No.. because it wasn’t just about watering the flowers either.
Now I had good ‘catharsis’ (pumping the water and getting it to flow) in all of the examples above.. but didn’t always have the desired outcome. Was it the fault of my catharsis? No, it’s what I did with it, or didn’t do with it..
Make sense?
Some of us remember when it was all the rage to encourage people to ‘let out’ aggressive emotions, and even encourage smashing of plates, punching of boxing bags, and yelling and screaming. This approach comes from the belief that there is value in expressing aggressive emotion, for it’s own sake. Studies now show, that even though some of these cathartic activities could result in successful exercise programs, they did little if anything to curb aggressive behavior, and in some cases, may have led to more aggressive behavior.
I will not pretend I have fully figured out exactly what is the right way to view catharsis, and the relative value of experiencing the emotions and release that have helped me in my journey, and that I am encouraging other to experience. I do know that if and when I experience catharsis properly, AND when I do the many other very important things that I have learned as well, life changing things occur. Like an important link in the chain I am using to climb out of lower places, and up to higher places, and to anchor my soul, catharsis is a friend that I can’t do without, but also a friend that I can’t trust alone. He can’t do for me what I need to do for myself, or what I need my other friends for.
Veso's Musings 